It's an honour to be part of the LORD's army.
"What happens when a warrior gets distracted by other matters, instead of focusing on the ONE thing (the King has commanded)?"
I heard that in my spirit this afternoon.
And I was taken aback. I could feel the sadness in the Holy Spirit's voice. Subtle, but I could sense it.
Today is 23 Nisan. The day that the wall of Jericho fell. The seventh day.
I had to admit I started my day not per my planned. I almost submitted to defeat if I didn't know Father's heart for me. The past year, especially the recent months, has been intense with the training Father has put me in - ever since I knew my real identity. Many, many times I felt like it's so hard (think marathon training and you feel you can't run any mile anymore), and wanted to just throw in the towel. But He ALWAYS has a way to pick me up and encourage me, giving me the strength to continue my run. He didn't make it easier nor make the miles lesser, but He does increase my strength and my endurance.
And now, it's finally dawned on me, Father is teaching me to fight. He is shaping me to be His "warrior princess". Yes, those are the exact two words He calls me as regarding this topic. Since a few days ago, Holy Spirit has been quite cheeky I must say, dropping hints here and there about becoming a warrior. I rebuked that of course :) I was so loving the place I was, basking in Father's promises of blessings and favours and love that "coming out" of this place and be trained as warrior was not something I'd be excited to be honest. Or so I thought.
As I was talking to Father about my not-so-great-start-of-the-day, a name appeared. A name of a sister that I wouldn't expect. So I asked Holy Spirit why - if she is in some kind of trouble and needs a prayer. Somehow I felt led to "search" her and shortly found myself in the world of Instagram. It is amusing to see what people post in there I must say. I wonder how they have so much time to do that. In my attempt to "find" her, I stumbled upon another sister, so I browsed her "insta life".
It's not something I prefer to do if I'd be honest. I prefer to shy away because she's someone who's very dear to me but she chose to leave our friendship because she couldn't see my heart and her fears overtook her heart. But I just felt Holy Spirit saying, "Go on, it's okay, but guard your heart." So I went on. And I felt nothing in my heart, I mean no pain, no bitterness, just a.. neutral environment. But knowing her very well, I was sad to see her posts, her focus in her life. I felt pain in my heart because we both knew Father's calling for her and her immense worth and purpose. She's a warrior, pre-destined for higher purpose. I found myself seeing enough.
"Now you understand why I said many are called but few are chosen?" I heard the Spirit asking me. And I just broke into tears. Not because of her. But because of what I've been telling Father lately. I have been plotting an exit for the situation I am in. Hoping He'd agree to my plan and proposal. Ha! Funny I know. But after the lesson, I realised that it's such a great privilege for me to be in where He has put me. And I wanted to be out?
Right after that I could hear Father's voice gently whispering, "Do you still want to host Me? Do you still want Me to be your all in all?"
I knew what it means. It means total surrender. It means total death to flesh and own will. It means sacrifice, paying the price.
That reminds me of my cousin. She's one of the world finest badminton player, champion actually. But while the world's admiring her victory, not many knew that she chose a life of discipline when she was twelve as she enrolled to a professional badminton club. I was there when that happened and couldn't quite grasped her decision.
Her choice meant she didn't have the normal teenage girl's life: going to the malls, watching movies, shopping. Instead she spent her time, night and day for intense training, with the highest discipline one could imagine. But her sacrifice was paid off, not only she's made her family and nation proud, she's one of world's champions.
Back to Father's questions.
Saying yes was easy - surprisingly easy this time - and it's a yes with a pleasure. Not because I'm after something, but because I love Father. It is easy because having seen my place from His eyes, I could see it clearly the privilege Father has given me, being where I am, ministering to kings and queens - being sharpen and groomed to be a fine queen myself.
I know there's a price I have to pay. A hefty one. I know that means complete surrender and focus. I know it means continuing to live a highly discipline life. But I also know it'll be worthwhile. Because I think life doing something that's not of His will is... emptiness. I'd gladly be in the prison like Joseph, as long as He is with me.
I hope this speaks to your heart and inspire you to do the same.
For those who have been focusing on the ONE thing that Father has asked you to, I am celebrating you and your heart! For those who are yet to be, I am praying that you'll go back to Father and say yes. It's worth it. He's worth it.
Today, I could see the wall in my spirit fell as I gave Father my ultimate yes. No more boundaries. And in return I could hear Father said, "And no boundaries to what I will bless you with. Get ready!"
And by the way, becoming a warrior princess doesn't mean to leave the place of love, no, it's the ultimate opposite. And hearing that from the Holy Spirit just made me smile.